OOOOII? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU DON'T CARE?
by HitmanMayoraCrap13
Summary: I suck at summaries... so let's just say this is a story collection of gintama pairs... though they're all rumbled... i beg for reviews please... read at least one chapter...


**HEEY…**

**THIS IS YOUR NEWBIE LAME AUTHOR HERE…**

**I THINK I NEED A LITTLE ATTENTION (WAS I A LITTLE BIT DEMANDING?)…**

**THOUGH I'M NEW HERE AND MY STORY WON'T BE GOOD ENOUGH COMPARED TO THE TALENTED WRITERS I ADMIRED ..**

**I HUMBLY BEG THE VIEWERS TO EVEN READ ONE CHAPTER…(T^T)..**

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS…(EVEN IF THERE'S STILL NONE)**

**BUT I PRAY THAT WILL HAPPEN…*NERVOUS CHUCKLE***

**_I'M REALLY HOPELESS AM I?... SERIOUSLY, I'M GETTING OLD FOR THIS…_**

**_ALSO EXPECT OOC-ness… _**

**_II ALSO SUCK AT MAKING JOKES…STILL!? I BEG YOU TO READ!?_**

**_This story is of the following pairs [though they're not really in order in the story . More like, they're rumbled]:_**

**_*Okita & Kagura *Gintoki & Tsukuyo *Katsura & Ikumatsu_**

**_*Yamazaki & Tama *Hijikata & Tae _**

**_FORGIVE THIS HELPLESS AUTHOR FOR THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AND THE SPELLINGS_**

**_ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE SO I'M MOST LIKELY TO MAKE MISTAKES…_**

**_I DO NOT OWN GINTAMA AND THE GODS KNOW THAT…YEP…THEY KNOW VERY WELLLLLL…._**

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

_OOOOOOI!? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU DON'T CARE?!_

**It's already been 4 years, and she's still sleeping in that good-for-nothing **[but surprisingly comfortable]** closet of hers. In order to sleep, she had to curl into a ball so that she would fit in, you can't blame her anyway, let's just say, Yatos seem to develop rapidly when they're on the right age, especially for kagura.**

**Sure she wanted to grow into a fine young lady like her Anego **[Tae Shimura]**, but in her current situation where she had to go through the crap of squeezing into her room **[closet…we should say closet]**, let's say she didn't even feel like growing up anymore. She began to think it was really troublesome. The hell she can't even sleep smoothly because she can't stretch since her size a little bit too big for the closet, she would sometimes end up in the morning with her feet on top of her.. **

[just imagine leaning on your back on a wall with your feet on top and your head resting on the base, the hell I don't know if anyone understands]

**Sure, the thought of having big breasts like that stalker of Gin-chan's made her want to wish she have those too, but now, I think she regrets about aspiring for such a thing. Whenever she would fight with that damn sadistic bastard, it **[you know what I mean] **would bounce and wiggle like those puddings Gin-chan was always hiding in the fridge, making it even hard for her to move, which sometimes would be the cause of her defeat.**

**Kagura woke up and went out from her room**..[closet…I already told you, it's a closet, a closet!?] **and heads to the kitchen. Shinpachi did not arrive yet, and that natural perm was still asleep…probably had a hangover. Kagura didn't want to waste her time thinking about that sickly diabetic lazy perm so she went for the fridge and grabbed her sukonbu, after munching on for a bit of that sour seaweed, **[I guess after 5 boxes of sukonbu] **she went to the bathroom to take a nice warm and soothing bath. She swore she smells, must be that time when she found a drunk nose-picking silver perm lying on his puke last night, good thing, shinpachi was still there to help him clean up. After that wonderful bath, she heads outside to the park as she finished putting on her clothes.**

* * *

**SHINSENGUMI**

**Sougo blinked twice to make the sleep on his eyes go away. He was greeted by the annoying smell of mayonnaise from the other room where that bastard Hijikbaka is, certainly, it was not a greeting, nai nai…nope… definitely not. Sougo rose from his futon and heads to the other room where one of his 'favourite toys' is.**

**"Oi Hijikata-san…would you please throw away that annoying piece of crap you're inhaling so early in the morning, you look like a mayonnaise addict…no wait…you are one. Anyways, if you're going to suck on that disgusting shit do it somewhere else, you're destroying the environment in the other room. No wonder air pollution is so popular this days, and what's more…they all smell like rotten mayonnaise"**

**"OOI!? MAYONNAISE IS NOT CRAP IT'S NOT EVEN ROTTEN!? IT'S A GIFT FROM THE GODS YOU BASTARD!?" as usual, the annoying comments of the first division captain about his vice-commander's 'beloved' –(disgusting) mayonnaise really didn't fail to annoy the mayonnaise loving bastard.**

* * *

**Hijikata: **Oi!? You just added disgusting after the word beloved you damn author!? What was that for!?

**Damn author: **eeh? So what about it? [tch..it was true anyway] as much as you hate Sougo, so as I hate mayonnaise. This Christmas, my grandma made macaroni salad and the dressing was Mayo lite…or whatever it was called, it was Mayonnaise though.. I didn't even dare to look at it…but I managed to take a few bites, but all of the effort and courage I've mustered to to eat it went to the toilet's mouth. [that is if you know what I was trying to say]

**Hijikata: **YOU'RE HORRIBLE!? IT'S JUST LIKE SAYING YOU DIDN'T LIKE YOU'RE GRANDMOTHER'S COOKING!? TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR HATRED FOR MAYONNAISE YOU DAMN AUTHOR!?

**Damn author: ***picks ear and flicks the wax formed inside away* Seriously Jijikata–san..i loved my Grandmother's cooking, it's just the fact that it was all covered in mayonnaise was I not able to eat her expected-to-be-delicious dish….and it's more like this Jijikata-san:… TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR DISGUSTING MAYONNAISE!? Though I might regret it later for Mitsuba-san…I'd be a bad author if I wished that. And I was such a diehard fan of HijiMitsu…

**Hijikata: **NO!? YOU JUST WISHED IT WAS DIDN'T YOU!?.. YOU'RE A REALLY BAD AUTHOR!? IYA…YOU'RE ALREADY TOO EVIL TO BEGIN WITH!? APOLOGIZE TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S MAYONNAISE DRESSED SALAD!? AND WHAT'S WITH THE NAME YOU'RE USING !? I'M NOT JIJIKATA-SAN!? WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN PICKED THAT UP!?

**Damn Author: ** *shrugs and scratches head* oi Sougo!? You sent that to me last night didn't you!?

**Sougo: **don't involve me in your crap…

* * *

**Anyways, let's get on with the real on here.**

**Sougo left Hijikata off this time, he was too lazy to even think about how to kill Hijikata today, so he just decided that he'll put laxative on his coffee. **

**Now, on his usual routine. Believe it or not, this guy has his own list of MUST-DO things for him to be able to live another day in this boring world or so he thought. He took a glance on his planner where he puts that MUST-DO things of his. He let out a smirk. Yep..he was not going to be bored today…**

**10 MUST-DO things**

**1. KILL HIJIKATA **(and make it look like an accident)

**2. ANNOY CHINA **

**3. ANNOY CHINA**

**4. ANNOY CHINA**

**5. ANNOY CHINA**

**6. ANNOY CHINA**

**7. ANNOY CHINA**

**8. ANNOY CHINA**

**9. ANNOY CHINA**

**10. ANNOY CHINA**

**Somehow, it would have been more better if he had written **_ANNOY CHINA AT ALL TIMES._

**He had that evil grin on his face again, when he saw a vermillion haired girl taking a nap on the bench **[where he would also take his wonderful afternoon nap] **sleeping innocently.**

**"now now…what shall I do? Should I attack her? pull her hair?..hm..pour water on her? or maybe write on her face?..." **

**After thinking for some time, the young male officer finally decided. He pulled out from his pocket a marker, China doesn't have to worry, the marker's just temporary. With that grin on his face, he leaned closer to the Young Yato's face. The marker's tip was a millimetre from her face's skin, but he didn't know why he stopped; before he realized, he was suddenly scanning the sleeping China.**

**Her breathing made her chest moved along with it, the first thing the captain caught sight of was her developed chest, no…it was, to his dismay…PERFECTLY DEVELOPED. He Tch'ed, just when he thought he could use that chest-flat-as-a-board attack on her, he brushed the idea away, thinking it would be useless now that her breasts…what can he say…it was a entertaining view.**

**A Sleeping China.**

**Innocent-looking…**

**Totally innocent…**

**Too innocent…**

**Damn innocent…**

**Why the hell does she looks so innocent!? It makes me want to do something horrible to her!?**

* * *

**Baka author: **Oi Sougo…enough with the innocent… get a crack and move on…

* * *

** His eyes started to wander on her body…speechless he would say.**

**She had the wonderful curves compared to the other women he saw in his whole lifetime.**

**Then on from the corners of his eyes, he saw her long slender legs, which was exposed because of the attire she wore, long slits up to her upper thigh and with her stomach revealed made it more tempting for Sougo. Shit…this brat can even be deadly seductive…even in her damn sleep.**

**Ya know, temptation was not really easy to deal with. The moment you gave in, you'd be regretting in your bathroom. And throwing tantrums.**

**[A/N: believe me… I went through that too… and it's not very encouraging…sometimes you'll catch yourself talking to some cat and blaming it all on the poor thing. *SIGHS* am I just being stupid or what?**

**Suddenly, when he heard her moan in her sleep, he couldn't help but chuckle like a kid at her oh-too-innocent gestures. Truly, this girl her never failed to amuse him, and never will be a time to come when she would fail. He believed in that, or else his reason to go out on boring patrols would disappear, once she also does.**

**He didn't want that to happen.**

**[A veeeeeeeeeery long pause]**

**…**

**Did I just thought of all those things?**

**Including China being deadly seductive…was I being seduced?**

**The voice behind Sougo's mind just woke up from being tied in chains, in case it interferes in Sougo's thoughts, and tries to snap some sense into him. **

_Oi… why don't you just admit it…_

**Admit what?**

_You're attracted to her…_

**I guess that would take a hundred of years before I'll be able to admit that…**

_You're one hell of a crap…._

**Anyways…that girl is just China…a norma—wait..scratch that…She's just a abnormal, gluttonous, monster, ugly girl…wait…she's not a girl…she's a monster…[ did he just said MONSTER twice?]**

**A little later, while Sougo's deep in his thought, Kagura woke up, only to find a Sadist on top of her, completely blank, and had a horrible look on his face. **

**"oi..you stupid retarded sadist…what are you doing?" Kagura didn't need an answer as soon as she saw a marker ready to dance on her cheeks and form annoying traces of black images and characters on her face.**

**Meanwhile, Sougo was nearly caught off guard, it was a good thing he has fast reflexes. He simply glanced at the lying Yato on the bench and pretended he heard her, well in fact he did. " Tch…what a good timing to ruin a afternoon sketch on your face China…indeed it's good…" he said sarcastically**

**Sougo was expecting a face filled with annoyance, and her angry fist throwing him punches that if he got hit, surely it would cause a great drop on his part at the popularity poll, but he heard nothing.**

**"Oi china…aren't you going to respond?" The young male officer asked.**

**Kagura gave him that dead fish eyes Gintoki used to have, " Sadist, if I'm going to waste my precious saliva in talking nonsense with you, I'd rather use it to eat sukonbu…besides…it's kinda hard moving in this body" then she gave him a narrowed look, "if you know what I mean of completely having a disadvantage in my part, because of this…" **

**Sougo flushed when Kagura pressed her chest by compressing it using her hands from the sides so what she's talking about to Sougo would be emphasized. What's more…she didn't seem to be a little bit affected.**

**Trying to go back to his serious voice.**

**"Oi China aren't you ashamed of what you are doing? People will think that this honourable policeman is turning into a pervert because of you…" **

**Kagura smirked, " you're a pervert to begin with…" then, she looked at him and narrowed her eyes with a annoying grin on her face, (that's what Sougo thinks). "you've been staring at my body all along you pedophile…"**

**"Don't put me in the same category as Danna…anyways…I'll be going…see ya later China" Even though it's hard to admit that he still doesn't want to go, yet, the sight of that undeniably attractive Yato makes him act like he's not himself, so before he does something strange, it's better to leave.**

**"Oi Sadist!" Kagura called out. Sougo turned his head to the voice. "See ya later then!?..." Then she showed him that sweet and innocent smile. [which is the first time Sougo saw]. She turned her back and started walking away… she smiled. Yep…she knows it's her win today.**

**He was left there in the open space, all flustered…no…it was the first time she smiled like that…in front of him.**

**He suddenly felt something flying inside his stomach. **

**For normal people it would be butterflies flying around their stomachs in times like these. Intended for abnormal people's case, like his self, it would flies and roaches. **

_Oi… _

**It was his conscience. **

**_What is it?_**

_Just admit it already…we've been through this a while ago…_

**_Admit what?_**

_You're attracted to that Monster…_

**_No…definitely not…_**

_Then, what's with the flies in your stomach?_

**_No…it's constipation…_**

_I've got enough of your excuses…I'm leaving._

**[conversation with conscience ended]**

** He had to own up that aside from his beloved sister, there was still another woman in his life, he doesn't know if it's because of the fact that she's a incontestably great sparring partner, or because she amuses him in so many ways, including what happened now. **

**I don't know if he realized that by himself, or this Baka Author of yours just gave him a damn clue about it.**

**He wasn't sure about what he is feeling…maybe it's the weather..or just constipation.**

* * *

**He returned to the HQ and found Hijikata taking a nap in his room. He smirked and finally found something to do and at the same time, brush away the thought of that woman sleeping in a bench and innocently seduced him, making him suffer mentally. [If that's what we should call it]. Then it occurred to him. He just lost. It was a battle that time. True, she was sleeping there ingenuously. But when did he lost? **

_Breasts._

**Right…I was caught by them, I'm not saying that because she has a hot body I'd easily fall for her. But why that gir—I mean…Monster? Even though that doughnut addict(nobume) has the things, and we were proven to be similar due to our sadistic sides. He couldn't help but wonder. **

_Are you an idiot. ? You lost to her smile…_

**So, maybe consciences may be pretty helpful.**

**"Damn!?..." He forgot about Hijikata and went straight to his room.**

**I was caught off-guard. Well..not that it would change anything…he chuckled. **

**I'll let you win this time China…But next time won't be an exemption. Now…all I need is a timing…**

**Then, Kondo barged into Sougo's room and declared they were going to the Yorozuya to celebrate his 'beloved' Otae-san.**

**"perfect" … Sougo grinned. Hijikata saw this and did the same. Well..he knew he lost that time…He was planning it for blackmail.**

* * *

**[Flashback]**

**Hijikata was out on patrol and was enjoying his cigarette. The chain-smoker suddenly caught sight of a police car parked near the playing field where **[he knew] **Sougo and that Yorozuya's musume would take their daily jousts, that would sometimes turn into a fight till death. But he wondered why these past months, he rarely see that China brat, as Sougo calls her, roaming around the place. And he also took note that, whenever Sougo didn't have a sparring session with her, his mood was more deadly and most of the time, he would blame it on the other officers, by making them train under the scorching sun. And sometimes try to kill him.**

**"Tch…slacking off again…this brat…probably asleep again…" **

**Hijikata grumbled. He was ok with his work, like going out on boring patrols. But being asked by Kondo-san to also look after Sougo was a pain in the ass for him. He was like; what am i? His Mother?...If only Mitsuba was here, she'd snap some sense to that guy. Hopefully that would happen.**

**He entered the open space…**

**There were hardly anyone in the park… Jijikata's head scanned through the area, and in front of his face, only a few meters away, he saw a first division captain staring at a vermillion headed girl that was sleeping innocently on a bench where they [Sougo and kagura] are sitting on. **

**Jijikata hid behind a bush when he saw that kagura was already awake and was talking to Sougo. He was shocked when he saw the girl compressing her chest in front of Sougo… 'seriously, does this girl even know what conservative means, it's like she doesn't care at all'**

**What surprised him was when Kagura did that, he saw Sougo's face, but he immediately tried to brush his flustered face off so that his rival won't notice. 'acting all cool huh?...' **

**When Jijikata heard footsteps approaching, assuming it was Sougo he instantly left the park to avoid threats in his life from the first division captain. [It's not like he isn't free from one threat in his life]. **


End file.
